Crumbling!

When you think of crumbling you may think of cookies or cake. Also, you could think of mountains, buildings or even an avalanche.  For me its the movie “Bruce Almighty” when he has the tag line ” And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!” This is how my heart is starting to feel in a good way and with my thoughts.  I can feel the old crumbling off of me.  Moment by moment my heart softens.  This crumbling is a process and as each piece falls I can stop to take a look at it from God’s eyes.  What do I mean?  Well, I have prayed many times for God to open the eyes of my heart and in that answered prayer I can see my broken pieces.  I have been able to observe my thinking and feelings from a different perspective.  As Jesus has helped me take these thoughts captive, he dissects each one and shows me how I have been fooled.  Our over confidence and arrogance does not come from Christ.  It is our humility that draws His omnipotent power into us.

Crumbling is a humbling action because regardless of how put together something or someone may seem to be there is always a crumbling point.  However, when God is in our life he will not allow us to just be destroyed.  His love for us is overflowing.  He works on every piece before it crumbles, keeping the good and rejecting the bad.  Once we have surrendered to Jesus, he then takes all the good pieces and puts them to His all eternal flame.  That fire brings all the good of you together and then we are placed back into the Potter’s Hand, Christ.  We still must remember to surrender and take up our cross daily.  When we remain in the Potter’s hands it is so much easier for Jesus to wipe away and smooth out the cracks that still may try and break us.  We must be patient with the crumbling and know that God’s timing is perfect.  The crumbling in my life has taught me to realize any thought I have outside of Jesus is something I should not pursue and give to him.  I slow down now when one of “those” thoughts come, YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT, and realize they have swayed my actions for a long, long, long time.  Now as Jesus molds me and I am safe in his hands, I can feel my heart soften and my brain circuits being untangled.  Finally, God’s Love is FOR ME! ( And that’s the way the cookie crumbles!) Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!

Brought to my knees by his love

Powerlessness is true surrender to Jesus. Openly admitting I have no control, power or ability to manage my life without Him!  This sounds like weakness and guess what IT IS! Scripture says when we are weak in ourselves that is where we are STRONG in Christ.  God’s love is all powerful and like a good father he teaches, he protects and leads by example.  He looks me in the eye and tells me I am His beloved.  There is NOTHING I can do to ever change His love for me.  He shows me His scars and simply says ” For You, Anthony.”  I can tell you that HIS LOVE and accepting it has and will continue to bring me to my knees! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!

You got to get into the dirt to get someone out of the dirty!

The more I search and dig into my life I see God everywhere.  Jesus is not clean, he comes into our dirt to lift us out.  He will do whatever it takes to free us and clean us.  He loves us, protects us and calls us His Beloved.  I am His Beloved, His one and only.  As I was reading chapter 7 of Romans and hear of Paul’s struggle to do the good he wants to do but cannot do and the bad he doesn’t want to do, he does.  This resonates through out my flesh and sinful nature.  However, no matter how many times I have been cleaned, I would always jump back into the dirt because it was familiar and I knew it well.  I could never “feel” right when God loves on me, I feel awkward and unworthy of it.  I have made everything in life about me.  I was spoiled terribly and that belief is a part of my core belief of myself.  The problem is that belief is enmeshed with a belief that I am not worth God’s love.  Talk about being in a quick sand pool of dirt while trying to hold a boulder over my head!  While all of this is going on in me, Jesus is whispering “Anthony, my Beloved, you are clean.”  I do not know how to switch roles or seats if you will.  I Do Not want to drive anymore!  I want him to be in control of every moment, I will give him my complete surrender.  Much like a child who wants to learn to ride a bike, he does not say “Daddy watch me and make sure I don’t fall down!” No he comes and he says ” Daddy teach me how and please do not let me get hurt!”  I am slowly starting to understand surrender. I do not like it and I have to be ok with that because as I heard so eloquently spoken, My best thinking on my best day has got me here!

I have made a choice to say I am done. I am not pursuing anything other than GOD.  I want him to become my addiction.  I want every part of me to be covered completely by him for the rest of my life.  There is a rap song that speaks of King Midas and that everything he touched turned to gold, well I am the opposite of this in my life when “I” choose to make decisions or follow my thoughts and feelings.  Everything I touch turns to crap when done without Christ.  There is always a hidden agenda, not even always bad thoughts, but hidden.  I’m tired of thinking I am not worth God’s Love when He says I am.  I AM NOT HOPELESS, I AM HIS HOPEFUL, HIS BELOVED.  The more I struggle the more I realize the simple but painful truth “I” can do nothing good without him.  When we are told to take up our cross, it is to remember we do not have to be NAILED TO IT, but we must feel the pressure and heaviness of His love.  Carrying our cross can bring us to our knees, IN LOVE.

Love is something I want to know intimately and only with God.  I want my love for him to be all I know and as he pours his love in return, the overflow will touch those around me.  I give up my search of what church says is normal, married with kids.  I NEED and want God to be more than enough, even if that means he chooses for me to stay single.  I need to be ok with that!  I need to come to the truth that this would not be a punishment because of my sin rather He wants me all to himself.  That should excite me and not burden me.  I pray to give it all up and surrender to my Daddy, My Papa, My ABBA, Jesus Christ! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!