The Power of Shame

As I was reading this morning I came across a quote by C.S Lewis that hit me very hard. He said in his book “A Grief Observed” that ” I sometimes think that shame, mere awkward, senseless shame does as much towards preventing good acts and straightforward happiness as any of our vices can do.” This quote for me is right on point when I think of those moments in my life. A lot of times we are reminded of our shame when we want to do better but then the lie that says you can’t fix that comes and how many times have we listened to that. Whenever I am stirred in my heart to follow after Jesus or to step into a place that shows change and discomfort, my shame and pride have won. It is a powerful manipulator, especially when you are loving God from routine and headiness. Our LOVE for Jesus should be that IN LOVE from the heart and soul of us, all the time.

I was listening to a sermon that hits home on this and reminded me if I was to look at my relationship with Jesus here on Earth as one of my friendships there would not be much intimacy shown or even that we hang out a lot and that is scary. I know Jesus but I want to fall back in Love with Him and the only way to do that is to fight through the fear, shame and pain and realizing that the grief I feel for losing my very close friend should trigger why people in my life need to know Jesus. As I have been driving, walking and looking around over this past day, I see each person and realize that all of us will have a last earthly breath but how many of us know that we have a never-ending eternal beautiful breath. I know it but I want to KNOW IT! We have to place ourself into a church community and as I get older I realize the importance of being around people who believe the same things as you do.

A foundation in Christ is set on His Love for us and in that Love we must be obedient to His call on our life. When we do not truly surrender but leave room to fall back into the old self, that battle is lost! Every time we choose our vice over God our flesh wins and we feel that much more away from the God who loves us. I want to have the boldness that my mom had in talking about Jesus to anyone and to share that love. I want to have a heart the size of my friend David’s and share that kindness with people. I pray that the power of shame will diminish and the Power of the Holy Spirit in my life will come down like a roaring flood of fire that is unstoppable. I pray to feel the warmth of His embrace and I pray that I spend my days getting to know Him.

My friends we will all lose people we care about and that knot in your stomach and the pressure in your chest and the heaviness of your head is what comes with grief. We must find comfort in knowing that when we lose a loved one and they go to heaven they are alive and well. We must change how we think and stop thinking that they are gone and change that to they just are not here! My sister and dad live in Trinidad, so I do not talk to them everyday nor do I see them everyday but I know they are alive and well, they just simply are not here!! Now I want to do a better job of being in contact with all those I love but I think you get what I am saying. It will not take away the knots and the pain but in moments you can feel the comfort of knowing you will see them again. Do not give shame the power over your thoughts, feelings and soul rather turn to God and allow his Love, Grace and Mercy to cover you and live from that place.

One Love, One King, All Christ

Faith Over Fear and Disobedience

One of my dearest friends is in a battle for his life. As he lays on his hospital bed with tubes in him and a machine breathing for him, his Faith never wavered before this moment. I went to see him and had a chance to talk to him and he trusted God in this moment in his life. This is the darkest moment of his life and Christ is working to shine light in this darkness and here I am everyday choosing to live in disobedience and not in the Glory of who Jesus is. I know Jesus and I know He is real and what He can do and yet I choose selfishly many times, Me.

It cannot be moments like this that only bring us back to Christ, once we accept Him our life needs to change and become His. I want it but never want it enough and turn to worldly things to deal with my struggles and lies that attack me. My desire to serve God is there but is weighed down by my choices. The bondage that keeps me pulled down instead of Free in Christ. The lives that come across our paths are there for us to share who Jesus is in us and what He does for us. We have jobs and we have responsibilities and I know this is true for most of us. However, our number 1 priority and what should be MY NUMBER 1 is to share the love of Jesus. I can do better!!

I ask for all of you who take the time to read this to please pray for my dear friend David Spell and that God will heal him on this side of Heaven that he may resume being the awesome father and husband that he is. I pray as we all have people we care about going through difficult times that we would pray for them and offer our hearts, hands and souls to them. I lost my Godmother last week, Aunty Marie, and her life is being celebrated tomorrow. She was involved in my life a lot when I was growing up and well into my 20’s. I haven’t seen her in quite a few years, but I know she suffered with lupus and that was a battle she had for many years. I want the Jesus and the Holy Spirit that is in me to continue to speak to me and that I would choose to start to listen. I want to do God’s work and I want to do it for the people I love and for people that He places in my path.

My Faith must be what I hold onto, to trust He will heal, He will comfort and He will guide me to His glory! I love Jesus, I truly do, but if you were to look at my relationship with him, you would say we are maybe friends! I do not give him my all and make excuses. It is time to stop being childish and DO HIS WILL that God has set upon me to do! Do not wait, but continue to treat people well and give them the extra kindness they need. We live in a world filled and powered by negativity, but Jesus is that Positive Charge that no darkness or negativity can stop. There might be bumps and bruises and growing pangs, but it is in Trusting HIM in all times that we truly grow in Love and Relationship with Him. I choose faith, Jesus knows how difficult it is for us to have faith, that He only requires Faith the size of a mustard seed. Within that size of Faith we can move mountains because He moves them for us.

Choose your Faith over Fear and Disobedience my Friends.. I love you all and please pray for my friend David and for all of my family of my Godmother Marie who will be saying their farewell’s on this side of Heaven tomorrow.

One Love, One King, All Christ