Confused!
Well I am still on the softening of the heart thing. This is not easy at all. The attacks are relentless and worst of all subtle. I can just be sitting and relaxing and the thoughts of how I have failed in my life just come crashing in like a tsunami. It makes me think about my past and hate that I experienced certain things that have me wired this way. I could so easily just live life like so many others and go with the flow. However, I can’t and because of that and my impatience my heart feels heavy. Now, I do have some examples in my life of what an awesome friend is and what a Christ centered marriage should look like, but those thoughts are not the ones that dominate my thinking. My biggest problem is trying to see whats ahead, instead of just looking down at my next step. This life is so much a moment to moment journey that to look forward like I do causes me to miss out on many cool Christ planned opportunities. I know God knows me and I know He has a plan in place for me and I know its to bless me and protect me, but man when you are impatient that waiting on God’s timing seems eternal. I believe that my main struggle is a trust issue with Jesus, I want to wholeheartedly trust him with all I am but, and there seems to always be a but, I can’t. Don’t get me wrong I believe I am in a good place with God, it is just that He is no longer healing me in silence. He has decided to heal me in a way where I recognize that I cannot do this alone. He is taking me through my pains and failures, my desires and missed out opportunities, in order to mold me into the man, husband and father He has created me to be. Thank you for allowing me to express myself and I ask for your prayers as I continue to crawl through this journey. SELAH!
