Starving the Monster ( Our Sinful Nature)

I could not control all of my emotions.  They were flying around at a million miles per hour.  I would shift from happy to sad to heavy to at peace.  All the while I had this pressure on my chest like I couldn’t take a deep breathe.  I prayed and prayed and listened to worship music.  I sang and prayed some more and it would not leave.  Now I am quick to medicate this feeling in my past and knowing now the wisdom I have gained from this, when I sin now, I CHOOSE IT!  WOW… This was huge for me to accept but in the same moment I realized how big and true the cross really is.  The feeling I had wasn’t the nervousness of new life or new relationships, It was the monster being starved and I hadn’t even given it a crumb in the last few weeks.  That feeling was overwhelming but I knew God could help me through it but it was tough.  I have come to realize in chasing after Christ, there is a price to pay and that is losing control of the thought that we have control.

I performed my second Funeral the other day and it was for a baby.  The only other one I had done before was for my mother.  This was heartbreaking and humbling because God still chose me even though I had been a prodigal son once again.  I run and run far when I need to and now I want to come back.  He threw me right into the fire, but as always he was there with me.  In speaking again I realized this is what he wants me to do.  He wants me to reach out to others and to share the gospel as it is supposed to be given.  Now with that being known the Devil has turned up the heat and I would say the reason for any fall on my part is forgetting when I fall make sure it is on my knees asking for help and NOT on your face as if you are ashamed and hiding from God.  We cannot hide and ultimately when we begin to feed the Lion of Judah our strength comes from a infinite power source of Love, Mercy, Grace and Peace.  It is with this conviction and the repentance of my sins that I choose to follow whatever door may open in the near future.  In your lives, my friends, starve the Monster and Feed the Lion! Amen!

One Love, One King, All Christ!

Listen to my Cry

I have been a teacher and a coach for over 18 years of my life.  I have met so many children, both girls and boys. There has always been those you can see come from a good loving family, but most come from a brokenness that is hard to swallow.  Many times we look at the behavior of the “Bad” ones and think they are lost causes.  Well, if you have a pulse and care and more importantly if you are a Christian, our hearts should be breaking for those who are the “Bad.”  I understand completely you can only get so many chances and there are many who have given up on them self, so it is easy for them to believe that no one cares.  One of the most amazing things about kids that are broken is they desire discipline, but a discipline that comes from love and care.  There is a young man that is in class now and he is very angry and disruptive.  He is 13 so most of the disruptive behavior is a boy being a boy.  However, it is in our interactions that you realize what he desires the most and that is for a Man to love him.  He always likes to horseplay and seeks attention.  He doesn’t turn away from it and knowing Christ and how he has made me aware of people’s feelings, I know this young man needs love.  How many people cross our path daily and we do not even think about their spiritual destination?

Psalm 142:6-7 (NIV)

freedom to do what you want!

The deception every addict falls in love with until the pain is so bad, but not bad enough to stop because the appetite of evil cannot go unfed.  In the beginning we feel like we have control.  We immerse ourselves into the “new thing.”  It really doesn’t matter your struggle.  For me personally, it is all rooted in not wanting to think about what a horrible person I think I am.  How weak am I that even in my weakness I lie.  I lie to myself about not lying that I am lying to myself.  The word broken really is not an accurate description, I would lean more toward spiritually SHATTERED!  Have any of you been here before? I feel like the only one sometimes, even though I know I am not.  It saddens me to think I focus on this while across the World people choose to lose their lives simply because they believe in Jesus.  Men, women and children are slaughtered, tortured and destroyed physically and emotionally for their love of God, while I sit here and listen to the whispers that tell me I am a piece of crap because I have no self control.  Well, the choice to have no self control is not a choice I just don’t have any because I would rather not think, feel or even pay attention to the whispers of my unworthiness.

In the end, my friends, the lies need to stop.  The cross needs to remain HUGE in my line of sight.  Its presence is so big that I can see it even when I close my eyes right through my eye lids and so big that even if I turn around and close my eyes I can sense its shadow overcoming me.
BIG CROSS= BIG FAITH
LITTLE CROSS= BIG PAIN

“Jesus’s death and resurrection become our death and resurrection” -Jonathan. K Dobson,
Gospel-Centered Disciplship