Right Here In The Middle

I went to church a few weeks ago and the worship leader said they were introducing a new song.   As he began the song the words hit me at my heart.  You see God has been working on me for a long while, like He does with most of or all of us.  I have been in a battle, a spiritual battle these last few years and it has not been easy.  Most of the time it is my own thoughts and devices that would cause me the pain and of course when they evil one senses weakness he attacks.  The song starts by saying that we can’t go back to the beginning and we can’t change what will happen in the future, but the one thing we know is that God, Jesus, Holy Spirit is right here with us now, Right in The Middle!

That really got me to thinking about how much time I spend in my past or worrying about the future when I can just relax and focus on Jesus and let him deal with all my stuff right here and now.  My past has a lot of dark spots and many of those are things that try to remind me that I am worthless or that I am no good, but with Christ I know those whispers to be lies.  However, even knowing that I must learn to stay away from there.  When those thoughts come I must capture them and give them to Jesus.  As I am doing that, and I am being reminded of the Joy God has for each of His Beloved, it makes the day a bit easier to swallow.  Instead of ignoring or letting the busyness or laziness of the day win, you take a few moments and notice what God puts your eyes on.

Now the future jumping champion of the world is me.  I can take the smallest meeting, situation, occurrence and before I get past hello, I have already seen where the relationship is going to end up.  It becomes so real that my emotions about the future, which I have no control over and do not know, paralyzes me.  I have learned to live moment by moment and again when those future jumping thoughts come to capture them and make them obedient to Christ.  It really is comforting to know that I don’t have to dwell in my past or try and imagine my future.  The truth that Jesus is right here and right now with me, means everything.  I will close with this: a very close friend of mine sent me something she felt like God put on heart to tell me.  One of those things were ” those things you are praying for, worry about, etc. will come to you in my appointed time!) We all must remember God’s timing is perfect and, in that perfection, He only wants what’s best for you!

One Love, One King, All Christ

Boldness to be myself!

You learn as a Christ follower it is very hard to hear His voice even in silence.  We have so many masks that we wear to fit certain situations.  A lot of times we become so intermeshed with all our masks that we lose who we really are.  We must be bold in making the decision to be our self.  In that decision we will learn that everyone doesn’t fit in to our molds.  We will not be able to satisfy everyone’s expectations of what they believe your role in their life is.  That is not the purpose of living.  Yes, we are designed to serve and help but, in that humbleness, we must be our self.  I have recently found it is much easier just to be Anthony than it is to be the Anthony I think this person wants or that person wants.

In this transition, there is a lot of turmoil and most of it is going on in your own head.  I speak of the battle in the mind a lot, but I want you to understand that I know the war, the ENDGAME if you will, is already done.  I have found myself lost so many times in a world that will feed you anything you need to keep you from being yourself.  I have learned that I have a lot of worth and it is what God has designed me to be, a Man of God.  He knows our struggles and the mistakes we will make along the way, but much like the “thug” that comes out for a sport and starts to choose the sport over the “thug” life because someone walks with him through that valley.  This is what God will do for us.  He is walking with us and He is protecting us, even when we think the World is against us.  Oh, if we only knew what the World against could really look like without God! SCARY!! No Thanks!! I will keep believing!!

So why does it take the Boldness of a lion to be our self.  I know for me I have always thought very low of myself, I have missed the mark of my worth from a very young age.  Words that were said to me as a child stuck with me and the adult, like in most cases, has no idea the hurt and damage that can cause.  I know because I have been that adult in the coaching world and said things I thought were truthful but, in the end, they were very hurtful, and I could have chosen a better way.  I have forgiven the wrongs done to me as a child, however those scars are reminders and sometimes like, PTSD, those scars take me back spiritually to that broken frightened child.  Therein lies the reason for the boldness, we must push through that pain and fear and let people really see who we are, and guess what?  When they do it’s special.  They are not seeing some mask you have designed specifically for them or the situation, they see you.

I am thankful that I have come to this at an early age and now can live my life being me.  Now the lies and whispers and confusing thoughts of the devil and my flesh will still be alive and well, but I know God’s still and silent voice, I know how to allow the Holy Spirit to come and fight for me, I JUST HAVE TO WANT IT!!!   Yesterday, I chose to be bold, it took some encouraging from people(angels) God has placed in my life, but in that step, A HUGE STEP, I was able to be myself.  I was able to see my worth and hold onto that, even today.  Jesus is everything and in Him that peace that comes in the storm is relieving, but it is much like when the headache medicine first starts to take the headache away… It is less pain, its fading but it’s there enough for you to remember why you took the medicine in the first place.  Jesus is a reminder of why we shouldn’t hurt ourselves because of our lack of self-worth, but we should be holding onto the fact that He calls us His BELOVED!!  That one step more to say we are so precious and desired by him.  Do not look for your validation from people, instead Find Your Validation in CHRIST!!!

One Love, One King, All Christ!

Lonely feelings!

Good Saturday afternoon my friends. You know with all the family stuff going on in the month of May and June I struggle with loneliness like it’s the holidays. Kids are graduating, people are getting ready to go on vacation and much more. Then, here I am just sitting around wanting to do stuff but really just wanting someone to do the stuff with. It’s hard, as you have friends you want to hang out with, but it just doesn’t work out. Then I come to realize something very important and something I’m not very good at and that is knowing that God is with me!! He literally is with me every step of the way. The question I heard today was when am I going to be enough? God just wants me to give all in and not hold onto those feelings of loneliness. He knows I desire a relationship, one that will have Jesus as the foundation!! But I need to have fun and enjoy being single!! I have to avoid the the lies and whispers that come in and say I am worthless and no good and allow the Holy Spirit to comfort me, mold me and be with me during these moments.