4 years

Tomorrow on May 23rd at 8:55pm will be 4 years since my Mom went home to be with Jesus.  The last 4 years of my life have seemed so dull without her.  I mean I have done a lot of cool things and even within this last year, God has used me so much, but she is still missing.  I regret not doing the things I am doing for God now when she was alive.  I wish she could have seen me speak and I would have loved to feel her hugs and kisses when I got home.  I know that she was proud of me, but I oh so want back the last year with her.  I want to love on her more and hug her and not let her go.  I know life is tough and we lose our loved ones for only a moment because we will be with them again in Heaven, but it is so terribly hard not hearing her laugh or how she would call my name and even how she would cuss.  She was so funny and genuine and no matter who met her, they would instantly fall for her.  She was definitely a one of a kind and Jesus must be having so much fun with her now in Heaven.  I can imagine he was waiting for her to come home just knowing how funny and awesome she was.  I keep praying that my life would be as fruitful as hers and I would learn to love they way she did.  You know we all have faults and because of what Christ did they are all paid for.  My plea to you all is stop being foolish with those you love or who are apart of your life, Life is but a vapor and then we are gone.  Holding on to bitterness or nothingness is simply FOOLISHNESS.  My mom played a huge part in the man that I have become and I want to be the man she would expect me to be.  I have lived in fear most of my life of commitment and of thinking I was worthless and not good enough to be a husband or father because I would believe the lies.  I know that my mom raised me right and prayed for me daily and I know that God has people in my life now who truly love me for who I am and they do not care about my past or the secrets I once kept.  It is because of that I am able to be joyful, knowing that God is so real and Heaven is waiting.  So Until I see you in Heaven Mom, know that I love you and think about you daily and know that I will continue to be the man you have wanted to see me become.  I do pray that Jesus will let you look down on my wedding day and on the day of my children born.  4 years seems like 4 days to me, it doesn’t seem so long ago, but life keeps moving and I have learned to enjoy life and avoid darkness, even the kind that people throw at you.  We are not guaranteed our next breath, with that I say Thank you Lord for the 32 years you gave me with my Mom and I will be looking forward to spending eternity with you and her, but until then help me to live out John 10:10, which is remembering the thief comes ONLY to steal, kill and destroy, but that You have come so that we may live life abundantly.  Please keep using me for your will Lord and I pray that my crown of life would be half the size of the crown my Mom left behind.  Thank you for shining through me now and for allowing my Mom to shine your light on me through her in my life.  AMEN!

Mom, Mommy, Ma, Momma!!

It doesn’t matter what name you used to call her, the fact was she was my foundation.  Her love was filled with tenderness and discipline, when I was wrong she would let me know, but when I was right she had my back no matter what.  She taught me to say what I feel and let people know where they stand with you.  Her passion and fire was unmatched and her kindness hard to avoid.  My mom would cuss you out in one minute and telling how much she loved you in the next.  I always called her mommy and it went from a kid like mommy to an adult deeper voiced mommy trying to sound cool, LOL..  She did everything for me and always wanted the best for me, she told everyone how proud she was of me and to this day almost 4 years later I still get to hear those words.  I strive in my life to be the best and fight and struggle through my burdens, but Ultimately I know she would be proud of the man I am today.  I regret that he never got to hear me preach, or that she will not see me get married or have children and that pain hurts, but mostly the pain is missing her.  I miss her laugh, her smile and without a doubt her touch.  She could make me feel warm in my darkest and coldest times.  I still remember the feeling of her holding my hand and how safe that made me feel.  I love that God gave me her heart and her fight and I pray everyday that I would use it more and more.  I know she is no longer suffering and that she is with Christ, but  the pain that I hold onto is the love that I lost here on Earth and I will hold onto it, but I will let it be the fire to keep me living this life the way God intended me to, Abundantly.  We all have a woman in our life that we can give any of these names above too, that woman that calls you out on your bull crap, the one who tells you you cant quit, the one who if you tried to quit would “help” you understand why you won’t quit, that woman who gives you wisdom when dealing with ladies, that woman who holds you when you need to cry, not because your soft, but because she is the refuge you know will be there.  We all have a woman in our life and we all believe that our mommy is the best of them all.  The funny thing is that statement is true for all of us, That woman we call Mom, Mommy, Ma, Momma is without a doubt the best of them all for us!  Mothers Day can be a happy and sad day, but it is a day that happens everyday for me!  For all of my friends who have a Mom, don’t miss out and take for granted this life… It is moment by moment and can be gone in an instant.  My prayer and my gratitude goes out to all the Moms, Single Moms, and All the women who play the most important role in a man or woman’s life, MOTHER!  Happy Mothers Day!!   Amen!

In Heaven Now

Whether it has been five days for someone or almost four years like my mom, I am thinking of the song, I can only imagine.  I wonder how many hugs, laughs, kisses, jokes, songs and games those we know have passed have done with Jesus.  From the first embrace when we open our eyes there and see him, to the joy of spending every moment with him and those we love all around us.  I think of the book Heaven is for real and how that little boy described Heaven and it makes me long for it.  Today, I saw the family of beautiful Kaely release doves into the air as a symbol of her soul ascending to Heaven and OH!! How much Glorious it must have been to be escorted by Christ into Heaven.  The days that I think about my Mom the most are the ones that Jesus lets me know what she is able to do now and again I can only imagine what an Awesome pain in the butt she is being with him, and he must be like Yeah I created her!  I listened well to those who were closest to Kaely and as they spoke I realized she is giving Jesus the same poses, dances and funny faces she gave here on Earth.  What is amazing to me is the fact that one day we will be able to do as Kaely, my Mom and your loved ones passed have been doing in our futures.  Think of all your loved ones you have lost and know your grief is necessary, but then think how many Hugs, kisses, laughs, jokes, songs and games they have had a chance to experience with Jesus.  I know a pastor who always says at the end of his sermons Laugh, Play, Dance and Sing and that is exactly what Kaely, My Mom and all of your Loved Ones in Heaven are doing right Now!!

NOTE: This song was given to me when my Mom passed away!  Please take a moment to listen

Click Here: Heaven Holds the ones We Love