Sin Has Nothing to Offer, TRULY!

I decided a few days ago in one of my quiet times that I wanted to commit fully to God.  I want him to become more than enough for me. That no matter the outcome of my life (Job, Path, Marriage, Children) would all be left to him.  I ordered a promise ring, A Manly Black Steel One, Thank You!  I want to fall in love with Jesus, my first love.  I know my desires will be fulfilled by him and I am learning to believe in the impossible.  I am here sitting in the backyard enjoying the breeze on my face and smoking a nicely lit slow burning smooth cigar.  Can you tell I enjoy Cigars, LOL!  A few thoughts shoot by my head and they are very familiar.  We all have those thoughts we are not very fond of that pop in and always at the wrong time.  Well, it just so happens that the chair next to me is empty to the naked eye but Jesus is chilling with me.  As the thought try’s to anchor itself the whisper from Christ still quiet voice SMASHES the sinful temptation.  We believe sin answers our call to “feeling” better and even to say it’s so OVERPOWERING that I CANT STOP!  There is pure truth that Satan and his demons play a part in trying to devour us, however we are the major players of sabotage.  We get this false sense of control like we can alter the trials we experience  and we are delusional to the point of telling God to stand aside because we can handle it.  The pain that follows is never bad enough because we typically choose sin to numb it.  That cycle is vicious and relentless in its pursuit to feed on our souls.  Nothing in us but our soul desires the glory of God because every other part of us is renewed!  It is our soul that goes to Heaven and we receive a Godly heart, flesh and thoughts.  The old stays in the grave and the New Us arrives in Heaven.  All the thieves and liars and sinful appetites are not allowed to follow us to Glory of Heaven.  A lot of times we do not think of this because we want those things have to “offer” us here and now.  Knowing now, emeshed in my soul, the truth that Jesus allowed himself to be destroyed then resurrected so that I would not be stuck in Hell confirms sin has nothing to offer but death. Death of Joy, Death of Peace, Death of Innocence, Death of Purity, Death of Mercy and the Birth of Selfishness.  When you make this life all about you, YOU ROT!

I refuse to be defeated and I refuse to listen to the liars, thieves and thugs of Satan.  I will choose Love.  Now when I look down on that promise( remember Manly Black Steel Ring) with that cross and the Lord’s Prayer I will remember I am His friend, His Son and most importantly of all His Beloved.  As I surrender I know that he will provide in that promise my future wife and I pray that he will bless her, mold her to deal with me(lol), and watch over her as he prepares me for her.  I am excited as I go on this purifying journey with my Papa for these next 5 months.  My goal is to fall back in Love with my First Love, Jesus.  Amen!

One Love, One King, All Christ!

he makes all things new ( Restoration)

You got to get into the dirt to get someone out of the dirty!

The more I search and dig into my life I see God everywhere.  Jesus is not clean, he comes into our dirt to lift us out.  He will do whatever it takes to free us and clean us.  He loves us, protects us and calls us His Beloved.  I am His Beloved, His one and only.  As I was reading chapter 7 of Romans and hear of Paul’s struggle to do the good he wants to do but cannot do and the bad he doesn’t want to do, he does.  This resonates through out my flesh and sinful nature.  However, no matter how many times I have been cleaned, I would always jump back into the dirt because it was familiar and I knew it well.  I could never “feel” right when God loves on me, I feel awkward and unworthy of it.  I have made everything in life about me.  I was spoiled terribly and that belief is a part of my core belief of myself.  The problem is that belief is enmeshed with a belief that I am not worth God’s love.  Talk about being in a quick sand pool of dirt while trying to hold a boulder over my head!  While all of this is going on in me, Jesus is whispering “Anthony, my Beloved, you are clean.”  I do not know how to switch roles or seats if you will.  I Do Not want to drive anymore!  I want him to be in control of every moment, I will give him my complete surrender.  Much like a child who wants to learn to ride a bike, he does not say “Daddy watch me and make sure I don’t fall down!” No he comes and he says ” Daddy teach me how and please do not let me get hurt!”  I am slowly starting to understand surrender. I do not like it and I have to be ok with that because as I heard so eloquently spoken, My best thinking on my best day has got me here!

I have made a choice to say I am done. I am not pursuing anything other than GOD.  I want him to become my addiction.  I want every part of me to be covered completely by him for the rest of my life.  There is a rap song that speaks of King Midas and that everything he touched turned to gold, well I am the opposite of this in my life when “I” choose to make decisions or follow my thoughts and feelings.  Everything I touch turns to crap when done without Christ.  There is always a hidden agenda, not even always bad thoughts, but hidden.  I’m tired of thinking I am not worth God’s Love when He says I am.  I AM NOT HOPELESS, I AM HIS HOPEFUL, HIS BELOVED.  The more I struggle the more I realize the simple but painful truth “I” can do nothing good without him.  When we are told to take up our cross, it is to remember we do not have to be NAILED TO IT, but we must feel the pressure and heaviness of His love.  Carrying our cross can bring us to our knees, IN LOVE.

Love is something I want to know intimately and only with God.  I want my love for him to be all I know and as he pours his love in return, the overflow will touch those around me.  I give up my search of what church says is normal, married with kids.  I NEED and want God to be more than enough, even if that means he chooses for me to stay single.  I need to be ok with that!  I need to come to the truth that this would not be a punishment because of my sin rather He wants me all to himself.  That should excite me and not burden me.  I pray to give it all up and surrender to my Daddy, My Papa, My ABBA, Jesus Christ! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!