A servants heart

God is such an amazing and awe inspiring God.  His majesty and mercy covers us in all we do.  He simply looks upon us with love and desires for us to live this life abundantly.  This was my first mission trip and it was something a long time coming.  I was told a while ago that once I actually experienced Jesus outside of this country it would change me.  This was so true and it is something that has changed how I think.  I have surrendered my heart and sinful nature to Christ, but I am also going to do something that I have  NEVER done in my entire christian life and trust what God tells me.  I am tired of always thinking I know what He may want me to do or how He can use me wherever I am.  This is not truth, and to be honest it has always been an excuse for me to say ” well God will use me wherever I am at.”  This trip God used to break my heart and to break it in a way where I would not only feel His love for me but that I would know His call on my life is to serve.  This is not a mission “high” if you will, this is a peace that I am feeling and a yearning to draw near to Him, more than I ever have before.  When I think of all the work I have put in to keep God at bay it makes absolutely no sense.  I have missed out on years of servitude and nothing felt better than being able to cry in front of people and helping to carry their burdens.  It was also life changing to see how people live in this world.  I have always believed I dedicated my life to being a coach and teaching and putting the kids I work with first.  When I stopped to look at my life, everything I have done has only been for me, and God is nothing like that.  Even with this He has always been there for me and has always provided.  Jehovah Jirah is the Hebrew for God provides and yet we (I) have always chosen my way.  He has placed in me a servants heart and the devil has done all in his power to keep me right where I am at, going in circles.  I want a linear life a life that is on a straight path.  I want a life with purpose and not one that has me wondering when will I mess up again or when will life throw another curve ball at me.  I am always concerned for future things and comforts and asking God to come into the life I have created.  Not once I have put my life into the one that God has created.  Its like God is here for the program and is just a part of whichever part I see fit.  This is a ridiculous way to live your life and I have to understand that now.  My heart says go and serve me and love on my Beloved, love on those who do not receive love and carry the burdens for those it is to heavy for  and cry for those who cannot shed tears.  I know I have prayed to be this kind of priest of the Most high, but again always on my terms and Christ has broken my heart and said I am the truth the way and the light, Follow me.  I no longer want to fall under the complaints of God or Quejas DE Dios because I want to say you are my king and I serve you, You are my friend and I love you, You are my redeemer and you heal me.  My heart is calling for a change and that change is whatever Christ calls for me to do. I pray forgiveness for the years I have missed the mark trying to control it myself.  Papa, I am ready, I bow before you as my King and Savior and say MY LIFE IS YOURS!!  AMEN AND AMEN

Night Time in La Chureca= A barrio of Hell!

I had the opportunity to go with my friend to take some of the children “home” to La Chureca after our beach day.  I really wanted to see what it looked like at night.  It was more than heartbreaking.  As we entered La Chureca there was an eeriness of silence and hopelessness.  Here we are with children in our van and we are about to release them to this monster.  The dump consumes all life, and they ignite even more fires to burn more garbage at night because the workers are gone.  The smoke is the thickest right where all the people of La Chureca live.  The houses( Galvanize shacks) are the direct target of this smoke.  We turned up the road, where the school is and we let them out.  This vision has been branded into my mind, body and soul of these young children dressed in new clothes and shoes and walking away from us and into the darkness.  This was so symbolic of how we typically live our lives, we see people and then we forget them when they walk into the darkness.  My heart felt like it was suffocating as I watched them walk away.  You know there is evil and violence all over the world, but here in La Chureca it is centered in this one shanty town where there is no where to run and hide.  They suffer and endure violence, rape, disease, drug abuse, prostitution, starvation, thirst and physical and spiritual poverty everyday of their lives.  Once we turned around to go home, we went to the top of the trash heap and we could see a place where the darkness of night does not even compare to the darkness of the oppression that fills that place.  As we left La Chureca for what was my last time on this trip, God broke my heart for these children and also for the teachers of  the school.  Seeing this place at night and realizing the commitment these women make to come into this part of Hell everyday for the sakes of these children’s well being and salvation.  They risk being robbed, raped, beaten and killed everyday and they choose to do this because of the love that God pours into them and overflows onto those children.  We have such an amazing an powerful God that would place that type of courage into the women that do this everyday.  My heart and respect and soul yearns for them to be safe and I also pray that I may stand in the gap for those who cannot feel their pain or cry to release their heavy burdens.  I love Christ with all of my heart, but this trip and this view of life has guided me into the direction of wanting to fall “IN LOVE” with Him. AMEN!

Day 5 Nicaragua

This was our last day and we went to spend it with the children from La Chureca.  At least this is where we spent the morning.  It was a lot of fun, but also so much pain. God is amazing in how He decides to mold us.  We fight and claw for what we want almost all the time, but rarely do we think of others and their pain.  Today we did, we said goodbye to those children and you could feel and see the sadness because we were leaving.  We made an impact because Christ wanted it to happen.  In the afternoon, we went to swim in the pacific ocean with some middle school and high school kids from La Chureca. We had a great time. Gods beauty reigns so deeply here.  We finished the night off with a bonfire and some worship and reflection. It was awesome, these kids are so amazing.  God spoke through all of us this week.  Whether we choose to listen or not God will chase us without rest.  He is called the hound of Heaven and He desires for us to feel His peace. Selah!

P.S.
I went to La Chureca at night to drop some kids off after the beach.. I will write about that as my day 6 in Nicaragua since we are leaving tomorrow.  Unmerciful, unrelenting and totally evil place.