In the Blink of an eye

Life is so fragile and we see it everyday as we watch the news or surf the internet.  We see loss and we keep on moving because honestly the World doesn’t stop for anyone.  Then when it hits close to home to someone who  you care about and have known for a long time, it settles you.  The feeling is not one to just keep on moving, but rather you stop and realize that in every breath you take you must take the fullness of living for the Joy of God.  So often we live worrying about tomorrow when literally in the blink of an eye it could be our last breath.  My heart is so heavy right now for a close friend of mine and the loss of her mom.  I know this feeling all too well and it has kept me up tonight.  I laid down in bed and tried to sleep and the Holy Spirit just kept nudging at me to get up.  I sat here for almost 2 hours watching nothing and scrolling thru Facebook because honestly I didn’t want to write this.  As my heart goes out to my friend it just reminded me of the loss of my mom.  I think of her all the time and it has been 8 years since she has gone home to be with Jesus.  However, whenever someone close to me loses someone close to them I feel it, I experience it with them, a lot of times just knowing that one of my friends has lost someone breaks my heart for them.  We know that Christ will comfort us but it is in the grieving of that person being gone that is so hard to accept.  I remember everything about my mom especially the things that I loved most and when that happens to someone close to me those feelings and memories come rushing back in.  I miss her so much and I know there are truly no words that I can share with my friend but to pray for her and her family in this time.  There is comfort in knowing, for them, that their mom is in Heaven, but honestly it ends there.  The blink of an eye and your gone and in life people get so caught up in the bull crap and if you are not careful you will be swimming in it as well.  I promised myself after my mom passed that I wouldn’t allow extra, human induced drama, play a part in my life and I have been able to live by that pretty well, but sometimes people are just stupid and you got to let them know it, I learned that from my Mama!

My prayer for my friend is that Jesus would embrace her and her family so that they could feel his peace during this time of loss and that he would watch over her and keep her calm as she has a baby coming.  There is so much to say about this and I am here just sitting and typing.  When you follow Christ you learn that your life is not about you and that has been a hard lesson for a spoiled child like myself, but caring for people has become very important to me and feeling the heaviness of someone’s burden is a prayer I asked for many years ago.  I rarely share this and didn’t realize it was happening to me until very recently.  The Holy Spirit lets me know something and then I pray and a lot of times I just place my hand on a shoulder in kindness and they have no idea that I am laying hands and praying for them and asking Jesus to lift that heaviness off of them.  In the blink of an eye and we can be gone.  How will you be remembered?  My desire is that everyone who knows me would know that I love Jesus but more importantly what can I do with every breath I am blessed with now.  I get so concerned of the things I want that sometimes I find myself lost in the world of me, but now with Christ at the center, and my pursuit of him is relentless, and my growth in him is steadfast, my desires have taken to the back as what He desires for me to do comes first.  The loss of my friends mom didn’t trigger this lifestyle change for me as God has been working on me for a while now, but it did resurge in me that my heart is no longer hardened.  It has allowed me to experience life differently and to look at each person that crosses my path as a child of God. I am reminded by the Holy Spirit that Jesus chose to die for them as well even if I am bothered by them.  The truth is that I have learned that I matter to God and in that truth it means they matter as well!!  I want to say that my memories of my mommy are beautiful to me, her smile, her laugh, the feeling of holding her hand and her love for Jesus are what overwhelm me when I miss her.  I use to struggle with her being gone and not seeing what kind of man I have become but no matter the person or the time when I bump into them and we talk about my mom, it never fails, they always and I mean always remind me of how all she would talk about was how proud she was of her baby, Antiney!  They always also try to say my name the way she said it and that makes it more special.  I know I am spoiled and I am glad she spoiled me.  All of this to say, my friends, enjoy every moment and everyday as a gift from God because we are not promised our next breath and our lives can literally change In The Blink Of An Eye! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ

What do you see when you see me?

I have always wondered what it is about me that draws people near.  I have always been someone’s close friend for as long as I can remember.  There was always someone in my life starting as young as age 3.  What is it that they see? why me? was I safe? Did they really like/love me?  I have long wondered what people saw but more importantly what my close friends have seen in me through my lifetime.  I have been blessed to have several old friends and a few new ones that trust me and truly care about me.  It never fails and for all the years I wondered the answer was right in front of my face.  They see the Jesus in me.  I believe strongly our souls connect and there is a feeling of peace and a whisper of “It is OK, My Beloved!”  I know when I gave up protecting myself by not fully trusting people in my life, I started to feel and hear that whisper.

We cannot truly love someone if we are not willing to let them hurt us.  That was so hard for me to accept, I was amazing at faking that I allowed people into my trust.  Now that I am willing to be hurt, it has created some amazing relationships for me in my life. There are people that know me, the real me with no mask!  My prayer now as I spend time with my Papa is that the one relationship I desire to happen and hopefully soon, in God’s time of course, will Explode this feeling and truth for both me and my future wife.  What I have come to realize instead of longing for the day that I will meet her I should be meticulous in becoming the type of Godly husband she needs me to be for her.  If I allow God to work on me and I focus on him then when she does come it will be such a special and awesome blessing!

I wrote a few weeks back about when we look at our reflection in the mirror we should see Christ and now my wonder of what that will look like and feel like has become truth.  He has blessed me with a kind, loving, funny and honest heart.  Then as I give it to him my soul surrounds and heals the brokenness and the Holy Spirit guides like a floating feather.  There are some areas I need to let go and let God, but thankfully He has provided teachers, mentors and friends to guide me.  I, my friends, am so humbled to answer the question “What do you see when you see me?” I hope you see Jesus! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!

Humbled by the Beauty of Trust!

There is always a special feeling when you are apart of something that is bigger than yourself in life. We strive for that for most of our lives.  Whether it be a family, a company, a team or even just a group of friends.  As I was in conversation with God the other day he revealed to me an amazing thing.  The people that are closest to me in my life are people who keep a “small circle of trust.”  God allowed me to see the kind of character he has given me that I would be able to break through that barrier for these friends.  They put a lot of trust in me as I do in them, but they do not trust many and I may actually be able to say they may only trust me outside of their immediate family.  My friends love God and strive to live the best they can to please him.  They are in the fire and trenches with me and struggle daily as they are able to share with me some of those times.  God has allowed me to become a listening an helpful ear to my friends and in turn, as the Proverb says, Iron sharpens Iron.  My friends have helped in molding me into the man I am today and they have been a huge rock in my foundation as I have grown closer to Christ.  I am so thankful for the trust that has been constructed between my small circle of trust and pray that my future wife will trust me even more as Jesus will be our foundation! Amen!

One Love, One King, All Christ!