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May 16

My Mom’s Last Gift to me

As I prepare for my 47th birthday this May I am so reminiscent of the last gift my mom gave me on May 17th, 2008. My birthday was 6 days before my mom went to be with Jesus on May 23rd, 2008. She was enduring 4 to 7 hour dialysis treatments, which were draining her completely. She wasn’t sleeping well, as a matter of fact she would sleep in the back room after my dad would fall asleep, so as to not wake him from her coughing. He told me about this a few years after. She always and I mean always put others first, but she always had Jesus at the top of that list. My mom did not have Dialysis on weekends, which brought her back almost to her full energetic, fun, loving self. We went to Outback as usual for Mother’s Day and it was a nice time together. I was going out of town for Special Olympics the Next Weekend and wanted to make sure I stopped by the house everyday that week of my birthday.

My birthday fell on the Saturday in 2008 and since I was going to be out of town I went by to see my mom everyday. Sometimes if I got there after 7 because of practice she would already be in bed and would be asleep. This was really a very hard thing to witness because the dialysis had really become like her paralysis. She would try and stay up to see me before she would go to bed and I could see how drained she was. I returned that Sunday which was the 18th and went to go and see her and spend the rest of the day. When I got home Sunday morning, there was a huge box and my dad had dropped off, it was a hammock for the balcony. This is not the last gift though, the last gift was my mom living out her servant heart.

I made sure to leave practice early on Monday the 19th. When I got to the house, my mom had made curry goat for my birthday. She knew I loved it and she wanted to make it for me. Now, the tradition was always 3,4 or 5 lobster tails, but this birthday dinner she wanted me to know how special I was to her. My mom was an amazing cook and learned all by watching her aunt growing up. The goat was a little tough, because she was to weak to tenderize it, but the flavor was unbelievable. She had also made some curry chicken for my dad and her. After I sat down, with my last supper from my mommy, I knew, well my soul knew something was up. You see for years, my mom would not let me see her hurt or broken, she was always smiling, even when I would see her after dialysis and I knew she was just tired!

This day was different, you see she made the curry goat on a day she went to dialysis. There I was sitting down eating the curry goat with some white rice, my dad sitting in his recliner. My mom had actually woke up when she heard me come in and she walked from the back bedroom to serve me the curry goat. She told me to get a table and sit down! Then as I was sitting and eating, she got up went into the kitchen and put 2 pieces of curry chicken on a small saucer. She ate one of the pieces of chicken and then for the first time ever, my mom got up and just walked back to her room. She didn’t say a word, she was just so tired! I remember it as if it was yesterday! It was only 3 days later that my mom would go home to be with Jesus. She loved me so much, but so so much that even in her brokenness she wanted her baby to be happy.

I want to live a life that allows me to want to put people first. That God would allow me to be a blessing to those I meet because of His presence in me!! Jesus, The Holy Spirit and God were intertwined into my moms soul and she lit up any room she walked into. Whether she was about to cuss you out or hug you so tightly, both came from the love she had for you. I am very appreciative of that gift she gave me and I know that I will see her one day again! Cherish every moment you have with your loved ones and when they are gone live as if they are watching you, because you know Jesus is!

One Love, One King, All Christ!

May 13

Treat Every Day as a New Day

We wake up every morning and God tells us His mercies are new everyday, yet many of us wake up with the same burdens we went to sleep with. When you wake up we should realize that within that new day, even though we may deal with a situation from the day before, God’s mercies are renewed that day and will guide us through. A lot of times we allow the weight of the burden to press us into the movements “we” feel will solve the issue. However, this always ends up breaking us or putting us in a position where the lies overwhelm us.

Now, if we could wake up each day and accept that God’s mercies on us are renewed we could approach life with a much more positive outlook. I think we need to understand that being positive doesn’t keep bad stuff from happening, but it does help you to see the bigger picture of how God might be moving. When we have God we have to remember this is not the end for us, we have ETERNAL LIFE and because of this we should be thankful that Jesus did what He did on the cross for all of us.

Personally, I have noticed when I treat each day as the new day a lot of the crap I was dealing with the day before falls off. Now the problem or situation we are dealing with is still there but all the build up that was on it or around it is gone and you are able to see it more clearly. You get a chance to see God work and show you how much He loves you and will protect you. Every moment of every day is known by our God. He knows your thoughts to your last breath. He is the reason and when you look around there is no doubt creation is of Divine influence.

This is also directly at me for this month of May because this is when I lost my mom 15 years ago. I want to live each day not holding onto the heaviness of her loss but I want to hold onto what she looks like and what she is doing in Heaven. My faith will not waiver and though questions will come in my head in the end I know Jesus is real and Heaven is too! I know that one day I will reunite with her and many of my friends, but until then I want to live my life the way Jesus commands us and that is to the FULL! Enjoy your families and friends, take trips and take risks, be free to know that when you pray, God will guide you and when you mess up He will discipline with His love.

One Love, One King, All Christ!

May 08

Running To!!!

I believe many of us in this life spend most of our time running away from The Lord. I know that He pursues each and everyone of us because we are created in His image. You see to God, you are the man or woman he created, He loves you even in your sin, He knows that He died for all of those and just desires to have a relationship with us. Now, don’t get it twisted it doesn’t mean that its ok to sin or to marginalize it and say well this amount of sin is ok. What it means is that sin is not an issue for Christ. He desires to be one with your soul and He wants you to experience all the promises that come with Him as our Lord and Savior.

I have run from God more than I have run to Him in all of my years of knowing He is real. Mostly, I would say I run because I want my sin and know it well. It is something I am comfortable with but on the spiritual side that means that I am comfortable with death. This is not ok because I am not and mourn my loved ones who have gone to be with Jesus. I want this death shroud with be removed from me and I want the Holy Spirit to reign supreme! How do we go about it and what are the steps.

Well, the very first step is to change our direction, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel. That means we start running to Christ in everything we do. I know that I feel good and believe I am healthy but every time I get blood work done, I get anxious and turn to and RUN TO God. Why is it I do not seek him for everything, like I would a best friend. He is our ultimate best friend as well as our King and our Savior. He is the complete package, yet most of the time we separate Him into sections that we try and figure out with our human mind and thoughts. This has been my downfall for most of my Christian walk and I want to be able to just be with HIM. I want Jesus to continue to work on my heart and soul so that I can share these words He places through my hands. I feel when the Holy Spirit is upon me and I know that if even one person is influenced by these words that is more than enough.

When we run to God it is usually in a time of fear or anxiety or loss. However, every time we run to Him in those moments, Jesus reminds us that He is there for everything. We have the Holy Spirit with us for every moment, so my friends, I am tired of allowing the Holy Spirit to be dormant in my life. I wamt Him to be burning so brightly that people will feel the warmth of God’s love when I walk past them. RUN TO HIM, FLEE FROM THE WORLD AND SIN, AND RUN TO HIM…. He is waiting with arms WIDE OPEN to accept you and love on you and repent with you, just as you are!!!

One Love One King, All Christ

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