Revelation

I can feel God’s hand molding and moving my mind.  For the first time I am aware of being in the Potter’s hand.  It is an amazing feeling but a difficult one. I prefer the pressure and pain of this embrace than the suffocating darkness I usually ran to.  I have been more aware of God’s voice and traps being set around me.  My heart is softening and my concerns are less about me and more about others.  My bondage has kept me so tightly wrapped for over 30 years, but now to finally feel the warmth of Jesus’ light and not run from it is soothing.

Trusting God sounds so easy and many times we say it as if it was as easy as brushing off our shoulders.  However, to truly trust him means believing without seeing.  Faith is the word I am talking about and it is so out of reach for us that Jesus says we just need Faith the size of a mustard seed.  He knows our chemistry and dependencies and the freedom that is stripped from us moment by moment.  For many of these years Satan did not need to do a lot to persuade me to sin, I did most of that damage to myself.  Now that I have decided to listen I can hear and see my bondage, that I am free from now, in others.  Do I let them learn the hard way?  NO.  God has been sending people to cross my path for years.  As I choose to see my son-ship in Christ it would be criminal and selfish to let those suffer, struggle and fall to the waste side.  I know I must continue to let God mold me as he prepares me for the plans he has set for me.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

For every moment

Today is a day of praise! Feeling, seeing and holding onto the beauty of Christ.  I realize this life is not about living day by day but it is about enjoying every moment.  Since finally believing that everything that was done in darkness has been paid in full and covered by the blood of Christ Jesus. I have been able to go back and pull moments that I thought I had lost. There were smiles, words of encouragement, and hugs I had forgotten, but God brought them back to me.  I have always held onto the bad or the hurt and that only led me to more pain.  I felt as my heart has hardened over these past few years or more.  As I felt it become callused I didn’t choose to stop it, but I fed into it. Now as my emotions and my mind are falling back in line and in love with Jesus, those layers of stone are being smashed one at a time.

Jesus has always had me in his hands since that moment, that summer, sitting and crying, as he let me know he loved me and I accepted him into my heart over 20 years ago.  I have recently felt like he was gone or too far away because of choices I made, however the truth was he was always in the middle of everything I had going on, good and bad.  OH, I ONCE WAS BLIND, BUT NOW I SEE.  I see life for every moment and believe as I fall in line with God’s plan for my life, the desires of my heart and soul will come true because he says so.  You see his plan for me has never changed I just took detours of my own doing.  I’m tired and finally want freedom in Christ as much as I want to take my next breath.  I know and trust in His plan and my calling, my future wife(which I have a letter for), my future children and all he will ask of me will be done.  For every moment I get to see and enjoy, he will erase every moment that has made me blind and in pain.  I ONCE CHOSE TO BE BLIND, BUT NOW I CHOOSE TO SEE by his grace which is our gift! Amen

One Love, One King, All Christ!

Say No to turning back!

For over 30 years my brain, flesh and soul have battled.  My mindset has always been a selfish one.  I have in all instances of my life expected instant gratification.  If I can’t get this now, well I know where I can get something close enough.  I know Jesus never stops pursuing and knowing he has been called the “Hound of Heaven”, He has come upon my scent again and is back in the driver seat.  My biggest obstacle is myself and my brain.  My thoughts are like wild stallions, when one bucks the entire herd will stampede and before I know it I needed to medicate it or numb it in my past.

Now, I feel God’s peace and I have surrendered to him.  I know the shackles I have been in over these many years are finally broken.  I can say, without a doubt, for the first time in my life I have stepped out of the dungeon completely.  I have always taken steps to walk out of that heaviness but because I was so familiar with what the dark had to offer, I always left a foot in the door. This was so that I could run back if things changed to quickly.  This time when I stepped all the way out and completely into God’s arms, the dungeon collapsed more like exploded.  It is gone but the pieces are still there and I must stay alert to the ease and temptation to run back and rebuild it on my own.  I know my new thoughts and feelings are good and healthy, but I DO NOT like the way this feels.  God also goes by the name of “Emmanuel” which means “God is with us”, however this doesn’t mean we can use him like a magic wand and hope all will be well and we will be healed immediately.  Most of my life I have been spoiled and expected and received instant gratification.  Now on one side, my personality has drawn people to like me and well take care of me, that hasn’t been so bad, LOL!  On the other side, it has led to much destruction and torment in my life.

In the failure to conquer the city of Ai, Joshua found it was Achan’s stolen pleasures that caused the loss. Once that was dealt with( the killing of all of Achan’s family and kinfolk) Ai was conquered.  Jesus is letting me know through all that is happening in my life now, it’s about delaying gratification and trusting and waiting on His time, not mine!  I am learning when I say now, Jesus says not yet my son and when I say later, Jesus says nope, Now my son!

My Prayer:

Papa,

Thank you and mostly lay your healing and merciful hands upon me in the renewing of my mind.  Help me to give you each of my thoughts so that you may examine them.  Papa, please strengthen the good ones and cut off and silence the impure ones.  I love you and pray that I may fall back in love with my first love which is you.

Love your Beloved,
Ant

One Love, One King, All Christ!